The Angry Man Writes A Story
by x-the-phantom-writer-x
Summary: A man gets sucked into the world of Harry Potter, and get's stuck! Read and review, please!
1. The Boring Chapter

**_As much as I would like to, I obviously do not won the characters or places of Harry Potter. I do, however, own the character of Alfric Scroggie, so please, try not to plagiarize._**

I hate Harry Potter Fanfics with a burning passion. They are all written by naïve twelve year olds that have too much free time, and a limited imagination. All the fanfics that are written about Harry Potter have one of the following as their plotline:

**Someone with the last name Potter, Malfoy, Black or Weasly coming to the school and trying to just fit in and not be judged because certain persons who share their last name might be evil.**

**Harry falls in love with Ginny.**

**Harry falls in love with Draco.**

**Hermione falls in love with one of the previously mentioned characters**.

Now, to me it seems that all these ideas have been reused so many times that there is no original HP fanfic left. Therefore, I have swallowed my pride, and all my hatred for HP fanfics, and decided to write one.

Our story begins with a man named Alfric Scroggie. I am a mean old man; with nose hair's so long that people often confused them for my beard. I live alone in West Maple Street in Maldon, Britain. I am a writer, and I hate kittens. That has nothing to do with our story, but I felt you all should know that.

As I was saying I am a writer, and one of my favorite books to read was Harry Potter. Many a night had I spent laying in bed imagining that I went to Hogwarts! Oh how I wished and hoped that there was such a place! But even if there was such a place, I was 27, and far too old to attend. But, it never hurt to dream, now did it?

Well, on one very rainy day, my dream came true. The local supermarket was introducing a new product: A machine that would put you into any movie, book or TV that you wanted! So, after saving all my pocket change for 4 years, I was finally able to afford one. I took my shiny new toy home to play with it. Now, I could have gone into any story with this machine. I could have put myself into Basic Instinct to be with Sharon Stone. Or I could have gone and fought off the orcs in The Lord of The Rings. But no, I chose to put myself into the story I loved the most: Harry Potter.

The machine was mystical, it was marvelous, and it was shaped like a duck. Now, please don't ask me why it was shaped like a duck, it just was. As I stepped into this duck-shaped machine, I prayed that it wasn't some cruel prank and that when I hit the "**GO**" button, the machine would explode, killing me instantly. I sat down on the little chair that was provided, and entered in my destination: Hogwarts! I took one final deep breath and hit the button labeled "**GO**"


	2. The Funny Chapter

I opened my eyes after hitting the button. When I had hit it, it felt as though I was being sucked through a vacuum cleaner hose. I wondered if this was all real or a prank. It was dark inside the machine, but I could hear noises outside. I opened the door and looked out slowly, all I could see was blue skies. Carefully, I opened the door all the way and looked out even further. It turns out I was surrounded by houses, very tall houses. I took my first step out of the machine, and into the wonderful world of Harry Potter!

… And I fell of the roof. It turns out my machine had landed on the roof of a house, and I had been facing the ledge, so when I walked out of my machine, I fell two stories and landed on some poor soul as she was sunbathing. Fortunately, the man on top of her broke my fall. "What the bloody hell are you doing?!" The man shouted at me. "You could have broken me back! What the hell where you doing up there, anyways?!"

I tried for 20 minutes why I was on his roof, but every time I tried speaking I ended up looking at the naked woman who had probably died from the fall.

After a while, the naked man grew tired with hearing my excuses, so I said "Look, let me show you what I'm talking about!" We walked to his front yard and I pointed to his roof to show him the machine.

"Yeah, so?" He said, when I pointed. "It's my roof, what's the big deal?" "Don't you see that machine?" I asked. I could see it plain as day, but he couldn't! "Look, either explain yourself or get off my property!" He snarled at me.

I knew it would be useless explaining why I was on his roof, so I simply left.

I didn't know where I was, I certainly wasn't at my house, and I certainly wasn't in Wonderland, so I must be somewhere in Harry Potter's world, but where?

I walked for several blocks before I finally saw a street sign. When I read what it said, I nearly passed out. It read: Privet Drive! I knew that I was close to Harry now! I ran down the street, knocking on every door, asking if Harry lived there. Unfortunately, one man misunderstood me, and thought I asked "Sir, do you have a hairy potter?" He then said that he shaves daily and that it's rude to ask people about their personal lives and told me never to come back to his house.

After much searching, I finally found it: Harry Potter's house!

I knocked on the door, and a small elephant answered. (Actually, it was Uncle Vernon) Instantly, I screamed out like a little girl and wrapped my arms around him. Actually, more like halfway around him, but you know what I mean. "Uncle Vernon!" I cried. "Who are you?" He said prying my arms from around him. "I'm Alfric Scroggie!" I shouted. "And I'm here to see Harry Potter!"


	3. The Naughty Chapter

Now, I'm sure you are all wondering what Uncle Vernon did to me, after I shouted that I was here to see his Wizard nephew. I'd like to think that he said "Leave me alone!" And then punch me in the face. No, that did not happen. Instead, what happened was that he invited me in before seducing me with cheap champagne and telling me that he had never felt this way for someone after only knowing them for 5 minutes, but that he wanted to be more than just friends, and he didn't care what the damned wife, Petunia thought of him.

Somehow I managed to escape from the walrus's grasp and ran upstairs. Unfortunately I made the mistake of running for Harry's bedroom, and he thought this was implying something. As I ran into Harry's room, I could hear his girlish giggles following me up the stairs. What I saw almost made me pass out. There, lying on the bed before me was Harry Potter! The Boy Who Lived!

"Who are you?" He said, bluntly. "I… I'm…" But before I could say anything Uncle Vernon burst through the door and tackled me. The next thing I remember is feeling as if a blue whale had just landed on me; after that, I lost consciousness.

I'm sorry, I know, I'm drifting from my storyline. Anywho, I woke up in St. Mungo's with a broken spine and every bone below my waist literally broken into a thousand pieces. Now, I was expecting this magical hospital to be able to heal me in seconds, and I undoubtedly would have been healed in seconds.

If I hadn't been late on the damned health care bill… After sobbing my self to sleep for several nights, Harry Potter finally came to visit me in my bed! "Hey, we didn't really get to talk much the other day before Uncle Vernon came in. Anyways, I'm Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived!"


End file.
